12 Week Update

(You can click the picture to enlarge it.)

I have now officially survived the first trimester. I am really relieved. It wasn’t so bad overall. I knew what to do to take care of myself and I just went on about it and it went ok. The first trimester is really such a time of being very instinctual. Your body begins to change. The baby is forming from a few cells to a being that resembles a baby. It takes so much energy and calories to do it, and I found myself just having to surrender to whatever it was that my body told me it needed. Whenever I tried to think about what would be healthy on a logical level in terms of food for instance, I would end up sick. I ate what I could, and usually what I felt like eating was just the perfect thing, regardless of calorie/fat/sodium/etc counts. I felt like a million bucks after eating it. It is just the way it has had to be. Now, each day I am waking up and feeling more and more like myself, and I am grateful to get into the easier part of the pregnancy in second trimester.

I went to the doctor today and had another checkup. I am surprised every time I get another confirmation that yes he really is there growing and doing everything he’s supposed to. His heartbeat was right between 165 and 170 beats per minute which is great. Right where he should be. My uterus is “growing nicely” as the doctor put it. What she really means is that I am putting on weight like a champ, but again, that seems to be part of a second pregnancy for that to happen so soon. I keep reminding myself of how well I did losing all the weight between pregnancies, and not worry about it. All of my lab work that I did at the last visit came back normal. God, what a beautiful word that is. Months ago, I would have killed for “normal.” Every time I hear it, it is music to my ears.

The last part of the first trimester has been tough. I have had some bad morning sickness, but it seems to be easing up now. I caught a virus the other day, and the feelings I had surrounding it were tough. I seem to be walking a fine line between the natural childbirth mother in me that wants to believe that everything is normal and ok, and the paranoid grieving mother in me that hovers on the edge of panic that any small thing can be detrimental. When I got home the other night and knew that I was sick, as horrible as I felt, I was madly looking through the books and papers that my doctor had given me about what happens if you get sick. Chris found a guideline that said that as long as your temperature doesn’t get to 101 or above you are ok. I sent him out to get me the best thermometer he could find so I could be paranoid about that part of it and try to make myself let the rest of it go. The one he got was awesome. It took my temperature in 8 seconds and lit up so if I woke up and felt scared in the middle of the night (which I did) I could easily see very quickly that I am ok. I wasn’t scared for me. I have had viruses before of course. I was worried sick about Aaron. 24 hours later, it was gone and the doctor assured me today that it’s all ok. I did survive it ok once I had the cool thermometer. I guess it takes whatever it takes to find peace.

I have an official appointment with the specialist in Denver to do the amniocentesis the first week in May. I am really excited about the ultrasound part. This guy is supposed to take a good long look at Aaron to really make sure he is ok, but I am scared to death about the needle part. If you have been through this, please drop me a line and let me know what to expect. I am doing it on a Friday afternoon so I can take the whole weekend to relax and give myself time to recover. I don’t know how I will feel, and that will cut down on the fear in this if I know have lots of time to be a bum afterwards. I will go back to my OB for a checkup on Monday morning to make sure everything is looking ok still. The risk is minimal going to a clinic like this, where they do nothing but this test all day long. That is comforting too. You know I will post a full report afterwards so be sure to check back!

Thanks for reading.