Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Kind of dumbfounded over here. Dealing with having complete placenta previa has been stressful, frustrating and scary. There are a lot of secondary complications that go along with it that scared the bejesus out of me, but we were able to rule that out at the previous doctor’s visit. It’s frustrating at how little I can do. I am someone who enjoys being independent and able-bodied, and to lose that just plain sucks. I feel guilty asking people to do things for me. I worry about over-stressing Chris out with always asking for help for the things that I want and need. He has been a great sport about it, but still… Any way you slice it, complications in pregnancy are just no fun.
Now for the dumbfounded part. I had a doctor’s visit today, where I had the whole nine yards with an ultrasound and everything. The surprising part of it is that I was told repeatedly that with a complete placenta previa, the chances of my placenta moving up and out of the way were between slim and none. Well, mine moved! Significantly!! It is now considered a marginal placenta previa, and really barely marginal at that. That means that the placenta is touching my cervix, but is no longer covering it. Katie’s way out of my body has been cleared. Chances of me needing a c-section have been significantly reduced. What the?!! I am so grateful for this news. Shocked by it really. And wrapping my head around a new reality. My doctor said that this is definitely an exercise in my ability to be flexible, both physically and emotionally. She has that right.
We have to just wait and see what happens from here. The baby’s head could come down and compress that bit of placenta and either move it out of the way, or leave it still partially in the way. There is a large vein right there at the edge that could be problematic. We likely won‘t know how it all shakes out until either more time passes, allowing for more change, or at the latest of course, when I am in the delivery room.
Here’s the tricky bit for me. I am a natural childbirth mom. Doing a large physical activity like giving birth, I don’t like having tubes, wires and medicine that numbs me out interfering with what I am trying to do. I like to be in control of what is going on with my body, and I have learned how to manage it well from having my boys. Since we don’t 100% know what we are looking at with this new scenario, if nothing changes between now and when I deliver, most likely, they would choose a date to induce me, and have me hooked up to an epidural so that in a moment’s notice, they can wheel me off to the operating room for an emergency c-section if things get scary. I realize most moms would look at me and tell me I am crazy for not wanting the usual route of giving birth with all the drugs, but hey, it’s just how I do it, and lordy, I am having a hard time accepting this part of it. BUT, I sure am relieved I may get to avoid major surgery. I just need to figure this out.
I spent a few days feeling really down over the mediated birth part (that’s right…go ahead and look at me like I am crazy). I don’t like not being in control, and this is a situation where someone else is taking major control of me, so I think that is really the crux of it. But then, it hit me. Power of positive thinking. If I expect this to be a painful and terrible experience, being in an environment that I am not knowledgeable on or comfortable with, then that is exactly what I will find. If I get my act together and just plan for a vaginal birth – however it happens – and watch my attitude going into it, then it will be a better experience overall. I dug up my childbirth books that were my epidural through having my two boys, and am starting to go through it, taking lightly the parts that caution against the drugs since I may not have a choice, and just pushing ahead. I want the day that I look my daughter in the eyes for the first time to be a great day. It is up to me to make it that way.
She is head down like she is supposed to be, moving plenty, and measuring right where she should be. She looked great. She looked like her brothers did. And, again, those long legs were all kicked out straight over her head.
I still am at risk of having a bleed and need to take it easy. Again with the natural childbirth stuff, usually it is something I train for. Meaning, I do prenatal yoga, walk lots, there are particular stretches that help, and practice relaxation techniques with Chris. I was cleared for none of the exercise stuff so that is out. This will really be a tricky birth to prepare for.
In the midst of all of this, I was just smiling to myself, driving into work today. My most favorite days of my life are easy to list out: the day I married Chris, the day I had Noah, and the day I had Aaron. The day I get to hold Katie in my arms for the first time ever will surely make the list no matter what happens, and I am excited to have a “best day of my life” ahead of me.