Friday, January 10, 2014

Busy Bees

We have been busy bees over here working down the “to do” list and crossing things off. Chris and I have both completed our pre-screening tests, and again we see that we are completely healthy, fertile people. So ironic that we can do that part well, but creating a healthy baby is where it gets tricky for us, and thus, here we are doing IVF. I just sit here and thank God that we can do this. The opportunity to do it just showed up when the time was right. Faith and patience. Both are hard things to come by, especially when it comes to your family, but I am so thankful that we made it, and are here ready to get started now.

I got an insanely huge box of drugs in the mail the other day. So bizarre since I am a hippie mom that does natural childbirth, takes homeopathics, and loves all things natural, but here I am about to unleash chemical warfare on my body over the next few weeks. It is more than a little daunting. It is worth it. Keep repeating that to myself: it is worth it. I don’t want to live through losing another child, so it must happen like this. It is amazing how looking back, once I was pregnant with Aaron, I forgot all about this stuff. That will happen again. This is a short period of time, and then we are on to the next exciting step, so we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tonight is my first shot. It is a HUGE dose. I am nervous about that. It is more than what they gave me last time, because we expect that a certain number of our embryos will be sick, and some won’t survive the process at all, so we have to have plenty to choose from. That means big drugs that will cause me to release as many eggs as I possibly can. Last time, we did implantation a few days after retrieval, so there was a fine line that they walked between not wanting to completely wreck my body for that procedure, but still pushing me pretty hard to release eggs. This time, the plan is to freeze the embryos and give me time to heal first for a few weeks before implantation, so that is why the bigger dose this time. Go big or go home as Chris always says, right? I will be honest. I am shaking in my boots over here. I go to the doctor every other day from here on out, and they will be monitoring me and adjusting dosages as we go. Prayers as I go through this though!

IVF is now all officially bought and paid for too. It was a big check. I was hoping this time around would be less expensive, since we already had the test built for us for the genetic screening from last time that we can re-use. So far though, everything seems to be about the same cost as last time. We were prepared for worst case scenario on costs, so I think we are ok so far. It is pretty wild writing such a big check though. Lord, this is an expensive way to have babies!

I hope that at the end of this, when we have our next and final kiddo that there is some settling that happens. It is hard being a fertility-challenged couple. So many people can just go and have babies because they can and they want to, while others of us struggle and wonder if it will happen at all. That was such a devastating part of losing Noah. Now that we had decided that parenthood was something that we wanted, we sat with the understanding that it may not be something we get to do at all. Then, with the amazing science that IVF has to offer, we got Aaron. Now, here we are and hope for kiddo #3. I want our family complete. I want this exciting, but painful chapter of life over. No more wondering. All of us are present and accounted for. I am deeply looking forward to it.

I had Chinese food for lunch today, and got this fortune cookie. I cried a little when I read it because my heart could really use this in 2014. Thanks for the message, universe. It made my day.

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